In case of emergency--or in this particular case, a "carving funk"--which of course, is an EXTREME emergency to a wood carver. Right kitaye?!?! Well anyway, follow these directions--no questions, no comments, no responses and above all---NO BUDIDONWANNADODAT's! Got it?!?! Good!
1. Pick up a knife. Huh? No, it don't matter what kinda knife--just pick the darn thing up willya?!?! Kids--always givin me a hard time!
2. Is it sharp? WHADDYA MEAN YA DON'T KNOW?!?! Well, go strop the thing--at least that'll be a start.
3. Pick up a piece of wood. I DON'T CARE JUST PICK UP A PIECE OF WOOD! Basswood, cherry, pine, aspen, it don't matter! If you can cut a chip of the piece of wood it's good! Kids--alway making a project out of a chore!
4. Start making chips. NOW DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE I'M SOME KINDA FOOL! START MAKIN CHIPS!!!
5. Make some more chips--big chips, little chips, square chips, round chips, long chips, short chips, chips that pop, chips that snap, chips that strip, chips that don't make any sound at all.....
6. Okay ya still makin chips? NO?!?!? Now did I tell you to stop?!?! GIT BACK THERE AND MAKE DEM CHIPS!
7. HEY!!! WHY ARE ALL THESE CHIPS ALL OVER THE PLACE?!?!?! DID I TELL YOU TO GET THE CHIPS ALL OVER THE PLACE?!?! NOOOO----I DIDN'T----DID I?!?!? Now put that stuff down and go get a broom and clean this mess up. Now had you just stuck with what you had started to begin with, you wouldn't be cleaning up this mess that YOU made. Maybe that'll be a lesson to you--don't complain...don't whine...don't be wishing you could carve...JUST CARVE! YA GOT THAT---the only thing in this entire world you should be concerned with is JUST CARVING!!! Now get back there and carve---and I don't want to hear it!!! Kids--all they do is complain about how hard they got it...did ever tell you about the time I had to forge a knife from dirt....NO?!?!?! Well let me tell ya.......click
Ladies and gentlemen,
This has been discontinued in the interest of the mental health and safety of all wood carvers around the world. We are sorry for any pain or discomfort caused to you dedicated wood carvers. We know how much love, care, and interest you put into your work. We wish you good wood, sharp knives and happy carving! NOW GIT BACK TO WORK!!
