[rick-in-seattle]

Whew, I bought some beautiful wet spalted oak from North Carolina; it was in the form of a turning square or block.
This evening, I cut it into slabs so it would dry with less checking.

I tell you that is some bad smelling wood; it smells just like an old cheese factory.




You know, that reminds me of a story;

Many years ago when I had more energy than sense, I read in the back of Popular Mechanics that I could make a bundle raising worms (red wigglers to be precise).

For those who may not be up-to-date on their worms, red wigglers (Eisenia foetida) are manure worms.
They derive their name from the fact that when picked up, they coil themselves and spring into the air. As you can imagine the fish find this rather interesting.

Well, I set up my worm beds and hauled in a ton of manure (now there is a smell you won't soon forget).
I ordered 10,000 worms (I still believe I was shorted a couple hundred) of course I didn't realize these were very inmature worms that enjoyed eating more than breeding.

It was quite a while before they got over their modesty and started doing more than laying on the couch eating manure. It would have been sooner, but I didn't know they prefer not to breed at the dinner table. (they need a separate area; something to do with the PH or acidity)

(This story is beginning to get out of hand, I will try to shorten it up a bit.)

Anyway, here is how it works; you eventually need to separate the worms from their castings. (Castings are what is left after a bunch of worms eat a ton of manure; the technical term in-the-business is "worm poop")
The mature worms are then separated for sale, but they can't be too fat or they won't wiggle. The rest of the worms are put back to bed with another ton of manure.

That is when I figured out that you can't believe everything you read.

Here I was with a ton of worm castings and a bunch of overweight worms that I couldn't even give away. Figured it might be difficult to locate 10,000 little treadmills, so I decided to concentrate on the worm castings. It was the only way to recoup what I had put out on manure, wood and worms.

I visited a nursery where I was told they would buy the castings, but they had to be dry, sterilized, and bagged. No problemo! Except for being well into the eleven month rainy season in Seattle. Drying anything outside was out of the question.

I had to find a way to dry a ton of castings quick. I decided it was best to use an oven and sterilize the castings at the same time I was drying them. (makes sense, right?)

My wife was gone visiting her parents, so I decided to get started right away.
There were two racks in the oven, so I located a couple of my wife's cookie sheets to hold the castings.

At the time, I didn't know a whole lot about cooking, especially worm-digested cow manure. After a little thought, I concluded 450 degrees would be sufficient to dry and sterilize the castings.

I loaded the cookie sheets and understanding this was going to take some time, I went out to mow the lawn. After about an hour, I decided to check on my casting business.

As I tried to explain to my wife later,
I had no idea that cooked worm droppings could smell that bad or that they were flammable.
It has been nearly twenty years now since I was forced out of the worm business.
It was the original hostile takeover, way before that Donald character even got started.

Strange as it may sound, on a warm day when the humidity is just right, you can still catch the heady bouquet of flaming worm castings on the breeze.

[Kenny_S]

That ain't no manure!

[DMSLewis]

The good news, if you don't make it as a professional carver, you can turn to writing for a living. The story is great.

[rick-in-seattle]

Well, thank you!

Of course you realize that my storys are all based on actual events that have befallen me.

Only the facts have been changed to protect the innocent.

[squbrigg]

Eeeeuuuuggggghhhhh! I bet your wife was thrilled with your worm business! How do you manage to keep her after all you've put her through? I'm afraid my bride wouldn't be so steadfast in the face of that kind of adversity!



Bob

[Hi_Ho_Sliver]

Why do I get the feeling that is just some more of the the same ol' manure?

[carver6]

What we got to remember, that's a true story. Ain't no way anyone could sit around and think up a story like that. Either that or Rick has way too much time on his hands.
Garon

[BasketballJones]

Wow, I've got a few failed business stories, but nothing tops that. I feel better now.

[Dusty Buffalo]

Not fair. I'm laughing so hard I'm crying and almost wet my pants.

Too funny. I can only compare it to my dead squirrel in the water heater vent pipe. That was bad enough to peel paint, and I can only imagine what roasted worm poop smelled like.

[Colin_Partridge]

Rick that was a great story I am crying I am laughing so hard. I can only imagine Theresa's comments when she arrived home. I could tell you a story of when in my taxidery days I mounted a full size bull elk in the basement. Maybe this would be a great off topic thread who has the best or most funny story.
Colin